Sometimes He Wonders
by Wammy's House Dropout
Summary: Maybe it could have been different. -Sorta-kinda L/Light drabble-


I got obsessed with Death Note again. *shameful blushing* So, I wrote (word-vomited?) a stream-of-consciousness, kinda-sorta L/Light drabble. Enjoy :D

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It's stupid to still be thinking about him after all this time.

L has been dead for years now. Light got rid of him for the sake of his new world. He had to do it- L would have ruined everything. L would have put Light behind bars for the rest of his life, unable to do the task he so desperately needed to accomplish. L would rather this world rot than allow Kira to be the god that he deserved to be.

He had to die. It was the only way.

And yet…

Sometimes, late at night, when he lay awake unable to sleep, his mind begins to wander. He wonders what could have been. Wonders if, maybe, if he'd done something different, maybe Rem wouldn't have had to kill him.

L was brilliant- scarily so. He was brave, determined, and had a sense of justice to rival Light's own. Not only that, he understood Light's mind in a way that nobody else could ever hope to. And-so he hopes- Light knew L's mind best as well.

Maybe things could have been better. Maybe, if things had been different, they wouldn't have needed to fight against each other.

Maybe...maybe, if Light had tried, L could have become somebody on Kira's side.

In his lifetime, L faced the darkest parts of humanity. He looked into the rotten abyss of this world, and seen the lowest depths to which humanity could sink when left to its own devices. Surely he could understand. If Light had been able to speak with him, if Light had the nerve, maybe...maybe L could have come to accept it.

Even though L claimed to despise Kira...even though L claimed to hate everything Kira stood for; surely even he could admit that Kira's type of justice was sorely needed in this world. After all, L had dedicated his entire life to a futile effort to bring justice on his own.

It must have been frustrating for him, knowing that someone came in and did his work faster. Better. It must have driven him _mad,_ knowing that Light so soundly beat L had his own game.

But, if L was jealous of Kira, he took it to his grave, because he never told a single soul.

When he looks back on it, Light can't help but pity L. His life couldn't have been easy, after all. Even though L never spoke about the past- about his childhood or where he came from- L had nightmares. And those nightmares betrayed him when he whimpered or cried out in the dead of night. He kept himself up for nights on end, struggling not to return to the world of torment inside his head.

Light could understand that. After all, he had nightmares, too. When he was little, he spent many nights in his parents' bed, wide-eyed and haunted by wicked dreams.

He wonders, sometimes, if they dreamed about the same things. If the cruelty and horrid things in this world were what kept the great detective L up at night as well.

L never spoke of his bad dreams, and Light never thought to bring them up. But now that L is gone, he sometimes wonders. Maybe if he'd asked about them, it could have opened the door to getting L to accept this new world.

When they were pursuing Higuchi, they made a great team. They brought him down together. They worked well together- whenever they weren't fighting, anyway. Maybe they could have convinced L to work with him as Kira- maybe he could have convinced L that Kira was the justice the world needed so badly.

He wouldn't have been easy to convince. Light knew that. L was stubborn, and arrogant. It would have been hard to convince him to accept Kira's new world.

Hard- but not impossible.

They could have been gods together. With access to L's resources, with L's brilliant mind, they could have held hands and torn down this forsaken world, rebuilding into something better. L could find the rotten people, and Light could punish them. L would be far more useful than Misa; he could truly have been an ally worthy of Light.

No-

It's useless to dwell on how things could have been.

Because, even at the end, L never understood. L fought against Kira to the bitter end. Maybe in another lifetime, things could have been different.

But not this one.


End file.
